I feel guilty not standing with Kim at the market, but I know that she feels bad when I get up with her. I have work to do and I’m doing it (although slowly) but really I want to go and hang out at the market. Is it to feel less guilty, or is it to help out? I mean, when she’s teaching I’m not going to go to help, and when I’m at work I don’t expect her to come by to do some grading. But still, the market is to me much more of a collective thing. I guess to make sure that I get my work done, I have to let go of that guilt. Because Kim feels guilty when she perceives that I’m not getting work done, and thinks it’s because of her. I feel guilty not helping out, and feel like a jerk for not getting up at 5:30 and helping her get to the market, set up, etc.  Is this what psychobabblers call a shame spiral?

Boy, you’d think we were both raised Catholic.

In any case, I know Kim will feel guilty that I didn’t go back to bed but instead got up about 6:50 and began to work. Don’t worry, Kim, I did this for me, so I could feel good about the accomplishments of the day. Unfortunately, I’m trying to plow through a journal and it is slow because one of the articles is really hard to read. I write abstracts for a US based library publisher (they publish “Historical Abstracts” which lists articles in different journals and gives a brief summary of what the article is about. When the journal doesn’t provide an abstract, they send copies to the abstracters like me who read the article and abstract it. Unfortunately, some authors are such poor writers that it takes a long time and a few reads to understand what their article is all about.)  Since I’m about 3-4 months behind in my assignment, I have to get it done. Today was the day, but this article is simply a huge barrier to completion.

So what am I doing? Blogging. (aka procrastination.)

I will bundle up and trundle to the market now to see how things are going. After that, I will return and hopefully th is article will make more sense. I have a list of things I need to do today, and this journal is but one of them…

BTW, the berry banana muffins that Kim’s added to the roster are pretty fine. They were my breakfast… mmmm

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